Goodbye California

According to the Virgin America seat screen in front of me, I am writing this at 35,106 feet, and the little red plane on the Google map puts me somewhere in the middle of Utah. Ever since we started to taxi, this Jolie Holland song has been running through my head:

At least it was just running through my head until I decided to actually listen to it as I am now doing. I’ve loved that song for a long time and never thought it would apply so literally to me, in that I am leaving California and feel joyful about it, which is how the song feels to me.

I am really happy to be going to the home I have made for myself back in DC. It’s hard to even imagine how great it will be to return to my own apartment and be in my space again, and see all the people I have missed.

Of course, I am especially happy because I am accepting a job back home that I think will be really good for me. It is scary to write about because I am afraid it will fall through somehow now that I’m so excited about it. This job feels right for me, because I have decided that I can still call myself a social worker. I will get to work directly with non-profits on a software tool called CiviCRM. The people who work in the company are clearly passionate about their work and about helping mission-driven organizations. I will help with customer service, trainings, support, but my job title is CRM Developer—so it’s official, I am a web-based software developer. It will not feel real until I am working there daily and have proven myself on the job. However, I am trying to appreciate this time, where I can relax and continue teaching myself coding for fun.

I can’t believe how well everything has worked out, and I can’t help remembering four months ago when I was deciding whether to do this. I agonized over the decision, afraid I was going to ruin my life, yet once I did it, I leapt with both feet in and haven't had many regrets. I can’t really remember many days where I hated coding. There were days I was tired or didn’t know where to start, but once I got involved in a project it was usually hard to stop.

I’ve had a lot of people want to talk to me about Coding Dojo and getting into coding. I don’t know if the program I did would be right for everyone, but I have no question whether it was right for me. I think that was because I was self-motivated, a beginner, and truly loved the work. It also helped to be someone who could reach out for support when I needed it. The staff at Coding Dojo were all very supportive but you had to ask for help in the first place. I would recommend them to anyone else, as long as they really wanted to be a web developer and were willing to put up with bumps in the road that come from a growing company that is willing to listen to feedback.

Also, I love coding because loving math and logic is so much a part of who I am. When I was little, I would get my parents to buy me math and logic books for fun, or as special Christmas presents. I would get my brother to teach me advanced topics, and then I would try to teach other kids. I like to think I’m good at it, but whether I am or not, I love it enough to keep working on it even when I struggle and that may be the same thing. If you’re reading this, wondering if you should be a coder, consider that for yourself. I think the quality that most makes me good at this work is that I hate unsolved problems and so I will work until I can solve it, even if that means stepping away but still thinking about it.

Finally, I have to say something related only to leaving California. Many times over the past couple months I have found myself overwhelmed by gratitude to the people who made this trip truly special. Despite being far from home and often lonely, I always knew there were people who would help me if I needed. More than that, my hosts in California went above and beyond to make me feel comfortable and at home and taken care of. Those I didn’t stay with often offered me rides, went out of their way to see me, and brightened up my lonely days with their company.  I feel so honored when I think of all the people I have connected with along the way, and inspired by the risks that each of them are taking to shape their lives. Goodbye California, and thank you for all that you have given me, and how you have helped me to become a more-recovered social worker.

P.S. Has anyone else seen the Virgin inflight safety video—the animation is so cool! Then they ruin it by making you watch ads for ten minutes.